Yes, and it is sinfully disturbing just like the original (minus the animal of course). I was wondering embarking in a vegan donut making party just so I could use them as “bread” and be just like Paula Dean, only vegan. The experiment began with a simple seitan exercise due to a recent request from a friend, then a journey into the south, then into the dark side. It made sense.

The idea came from a perturbing article in CultureMap where vegetarian Social Media Editor Fayza A. Elmostehi was about to break 4 years of living a veggie life and was being seduced by the mere thought of devouring the “meatiest concoction of them all.” I knew I had to do something as other vegan/vegetarians would probably experience the same inexplainable carnivoresque magnetism. So, think of this as an act of heroism. I am here to save the day, like mighty mouse. So, this will not be the usual vegan gourmet blog I am used to writing, but I have to admit, I enjoyed the process of putting it together.

The recipe is not for the weak. If you live on lettuce, stop right now. You may be offended. Worse, you may be inclined to spend a morning wondering how this will turn out. Of course I consulted one of my favorite vegan chefs Isa Chandra Moskowitz and “Tomorrow Friendly Food – Vegan Recipes, Food Photos, and Fun Things in Austin, Texas” blog and combined with some of my own.

SEITAN:

• 2 cups vital wheat gluten
• 1/2 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
• 1 cup water, stock or soy milk (I prefer soymilk for faux chicken)
• 1/2 cup Bragg Liquid Aminos
• 2 Tablespoons Tomato Paste or Juice
• 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
• 3 cloves of garlic, pressed or grated finely
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• 1 tablespoon fresh thyme
• 1/2 cup fresh parsley

COOKING BROTH:

• 10 cups cold water
• 2 cups low sodium veggie stock
• 1/3 cup soy sauce
• 1/3 cup molases
• 2 Tablespoons Apple cider vinegar
• 1 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• Dash of cayenne
• 1 teaspoon dried sage
• Handful of Parsley leaves

Combine all broth ingredients in a stock pot and keep cold.

Combine the vital wheat gluten, nutritional yeast, cumin, paprika, and pepper in one bowl. In another combine the rest. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and knead roughly for about 5-6 minutes until the gluten becomes elastic, almost like a melted cheesy consistency when stretched. Let rest for 30 minutes.

Raw seitan. Not the sexiest looking thing, but then again, raw meat is not either.

Shape as desired remembering that seitan grows and almost doubles in size. For chicken fried steak, make 4 or 6 patties, not too thick. They will grow.

Seitan formed into faux chicken cutlets

Place the patties in the cold broth mixture. Bring slowly to a boil, then bring the heat down to a gentle simmer and cook for 1 hour.

Seitan taking a leisurely swim. Ok, it was a whole hour.

Eventually, they will float to the surface. Turn off the heat, and let the seitan cool down in the broth, about one hour. Remove.

If you are stopping at this point, store seitan in the refrigerator for no longer than 5 days in broth. Or, if you are courageous, continue.

VEGAN CHICKEN FRIED STEAK BREADING:

The coating begins with spiked chickpea flour

• 3/4 Cup Chickpea flour
• 6 Tablespoons Ener-G Egg Replacer
• 10 Tablespoons soy milk
• 1/2 teaspoon Bragg Liquid Aminos
• 1 teaspoon Cumin
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• Dash of Cayenne
• 1 teaspoon steak seasoning
• 1 teaspoon salt
• Pepper to taste
• 1 Cup of Panko bread crumbs
• 1 cup of vegan corn flakes, crushed
  

  Beautifully coated a la Chicken Fried Chicken

You’ll need three plates:

In one comine the chickpea flour and half of the dry seasonings (1/2 teaspoon each cumin, onion/garlic powder, steak seasoning, salt, then dash of cayenne and pepper). Mix

in the second, wish together the egg replaces, soy milk and liquid aminos. It will thicken.

In the third, combine the panko, corn flakes and the rest of the seasonings. (1/2 teaspoon each cumin, onion/garlic powder, steak seasoning, salt, then dash of cayenne and pepper). Combine.

Take one piece of faux chicken, cover the chickpea flour mixture, then the wet mixture and finish with the bread/corn flake mixture.

Finish all piece prior to frying. It may get rather messy. Enjoy it.

Fry in one inch of oil under medium heat, allowing the oil to heat up, in a non-stick pan for about 5 minutes on each side.

The golden pieces of faux chicken are so pretty they would fool anyone.

Set on a brown paper bag to remove any excess oil. At this point, you can stop and serve with your favorite mash potatoes and gravy recipe or try my White Wine Wild Mushroom Vegan Gravy.

VEGAN KFC DOUBLE DOWN:

The beginning of the I can't believe is not cheese cheese sauce

• 2 types of vegan cheese
• Tempeh or other vegan bacon

VEGAN CHEESE SAUCE

• 1 medium potato, peeled and cubed
• 1 medium carrot, peeled and diced
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 can white northern beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 tablespoon cashew butter
• 1 teaspoon mustard
• 2 tablespoons any miso paste
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
  

  Silky smooth and so so good.

• salt and pepper to taste

Inspired by Jo Stepaniak’s“The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook“, this recipe has a little more flavor and creaminess. In a small saucepan, heat the soy milk, carrot, onion and potato. Boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Put in a blender with the rest of the ingredients. Adjust seasoning and return to the saucepan to keep warm.

Pre-heat the broiler to high. In metal sheet pan, place the faux chicken, top with two pieces of faux bacon, and add a sliced or shredded vegan cheese. Broil for 5-6 minutes until cheese melts. Be careful not to burn.

Top with a spoonful of the cheese sauce and mount, carefully.

This is the type of dish that needs NOTHING else. Bet you can’t finish it. I could not.

Cheese melted, special sauce mounted.

The presentation? Well, this type of dish is not supposed to be pretty. But there is beauty in the most unexpected moments sometimes.

Beauty or the beast?

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